I kept waking in the night to check if I was bleeding, terrified of having another miscarriage.

I met David on a night out in Edinburgh back in 2012. We were both visiting friends so it was very much a lucky coincidence. I’m originally from Latvia but at the time I was living in Ireland and he lived in England, where he is from. Six months later I had packed up my life in Dublin and moved to England and 2,5 years later we had our fairytale wedding in Tuscany. We quickly settled as newlyweds into a new home, with plenty of room for a family.

We started trying for a baby pretty much straight after our wedding but little did we know how long and sometimes painful the journey ahead of us would be. It took a year for me to fall pregnant. After seeing so many negative pregnancy tests and smiling through gritted teeth when people asked and joked about when we will have a baby (which happened a lot...) it was finally our time!! I was so happy! It was such a beautiful and exciting period in our lives… but sadly it came to an abrupt end when I lost the baby 8 weeks into the pregnancy. We were devasted to lose the baby. It’s not something you ever would expect to happen to you. I later learned that actually 10-15% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage and it happens much more often than is ever discussed.

After the miscarriage, it was another year later when I was pregnant again. I was hesitant to try for a while and quite traumatized from the entire experience of losing the baby the year prior. This time around we remained very cautious. Looking back, it was the hardest time of the pregnancy. I was so paranoid about losing the baby again. I kept waking in the middle of night to make sure I wasn’t bleeding. Night after night I had countless nightmares about going through a miscarriage again. My entire pregnancy was long, uncomfortable and worrisome. I also experienced22 long weeks of severe morning sickness, multiple hospitalizations because of that, but kept focused on the end goal, meeting our baby girl. 9 months later, we were, needless to say, more than ready to welcome our baby into the world!

Our beautiful rainbow baby girl arrived on May 10, 2018. I was first induced but the process did not progress well, and she had to be delivered via c-section. I was already a bit worried about giving birth and my labor and birth experience are all a bit of a blur when I think back. After trying induction, and hours of labor, things weren’t progressing, and it was decided that I would need a c-section. I lost a lot of blood during the operation and became unconscious; it was unfortunately not a very pleasant experience… but our baby girl was finally here! She was completely healthy and perfect.

I will never forget the look on my husbands face when he saw her for the first time. It was love at first sight!

The first weeks postpartum were very difficult. My body had been through a lot, I piled on an unbelievable amount of weight and the nightmares of the first few months into the pregnancy were still haunting me every day. Eventually we found our rhythm and feedings and sleep started to improve. I could finally relax a bit more in my new role as a Mum and the nightmares became less and less. Our journey to become parents was much different than we ever could have expected but despite it all, watching our beautiful daughter grow has been our biggest joy in life so far.

- Laine, Mom of Hannah, Worcester, UK

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